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soraciaTitle: The Best Phone Call Ever
Author: Kagemihari
Rating: R
Pairing: Akame (Kamenashi Kazuya/Akanishi Jin)
Summary: Jin in LA angst originally posted here as comment fic. This is![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sollasollew11's fault, merely because I saw her subject line here and it ran with me in an entirely different direction. Er, one that does not include pole dancing, alas.
It wasn't that he didn't call. Kame called him on a regular basis - not every night, but often. Once a week, maybe. Jin ended up wishing he wouldn't, because it seemed he never had anything to say.
Jin would talk desperately, brightly, filling the silences with stories of LA and where he'd gone and what he'd seen that day, and Kame would answer in monosyllables and never talk back, no matter how hard Jin tried to draw him out.
It was as if he called out of duty, not because he wanted to. Jin never could figure it out, why he called at all, and he didn't dare ask in case the answer was that Kame was still mad at him, for leaving in the first place.
He couldn't bring himself to hang up, either, no matter how awkward it got, and for some reason Kame didn't either, so sometimes they just ended up breathing at each other over a silent line, in and out in the silence until Jin thought he was going to scream just to break it.
He would scramble frantically for something else, anything else to say, and ended up repeating himself a lot, but he never got anything but the same monosyllables in return, simple acknowledgements that he was talking but no real response. It was as if Kame didn't even notice that Jin had told him the same story three, five, ten times and went silent for long stretches in between.
Jin wondered wildly sometimes if Kame would even notice if he started talking in English, things Kame couldn't even understand, but he didn't try it because if he tried that and he still got the same responses, as if Kame was absently listening to the tone and not the content merely so he could pretend to respond appropriately, Jin thought his heart might just crack in two.
This went on for months, and it got worse, each awkward horrible phone call stretching out until one of them would finally mercifully put it out of it's misery because of the legitimate excuse of having to get up in the morning. Jin began to dread the nights Kame would call, was so thankful that it wasn't every night; even if he was desperate to hear Kame's voice, he couldn't stand it like this.
He hated himself for being grateful when the calls came less frequently, every two weeks or maybe three times a month. He could stand that, or so he told himself, but he felt guilty all the same for not wanting to get a call from someone who was supposedly a friend. Had been his best friend, at one time. Jin wasn't even sure when exactly that had changed, or who to blame.
He didn't even know why he kept answering, partly out of guilt and partly because he was far away and alone and he needed some sort of connection, any sort of reminder that the others hadn't forgotten him, especially Kame. He just wished Kame would talk more, because Jin loved the sound of his voice, but it was always just a word or two here and there, and a lot of silence.
Jin thought it was pathetic that he even felt better when he could just hear Kame breathing on the other end, and know that he wasn't alone, that for whatever reason, even if it was duty, Kame still cared enough to keep calling.
So maybe that was why he kept answering, although it took him three months to make the mistake of answering while he was drunk. He had no idea the next morning what he'd actually said, but whatever it had been had made Kame very very quiet. There had been a lot of silence, he remembered that.
The next time, he was perhaps slightly less drunk, but he'd answered his phone without looking to see who it was, and then blinked stupidly when he heard Kame's voice as he answered.
"Oh, I wasn't gonna do this again," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead and trying to decide through the haze in his brain whether it would be better to muddle through and risk making Kame so mad he never called again, or hang up on him and not even deal with it - but probably that would make him mad too, because it was rude to hang up on people.
"Sorry, Kame, I'm kinda drunk," he apologized, pacing a little as he pulled his own hair with a vague sense of impending doom. "Sorry, I'm ...I'm good. How are you, how's it going? Right, I forgot, you aren't talking to me anymore...why you keep callin' anyway, huh? Whas...what's the point? You don't have to jus' cause you...you have to," he attempted to explain in a rather wounded voice.
Kame didn't answer for a long time, and Jin was about to sigh and begin rambling about something, which was fortunately at least easier when he was drunk, to ramble on about nothing.
"I just don't know what to say," Kame said finally, sounding stiff and awkward.
Jin immediately melted, both literally and figuratively, dropping bonelessly down on the couch and cradling the phone to his ear with a silly grin.
"Aww, there's my Kazuya," he noted happily, easily reading the simple nervousness in Kame's voice, though he had no idea of the reason for it. It wasn't the coldness or the boredom he'd been half expecting, and in his current state it made him feel ridiculously warm. Kame really was a turtle. For some reason that made perfect sense as well, and he felt the need to share it with Kame.
"You really are a turtle, Kazu-chan," he snickered, petting a sofa cushion as if it were Kame's hair. "I missed hearing you talk to me, I keep talking and talking but you never talk back and I thought you were mad at me about something, or maybe we aren't friends anymore...we're friends, right, Kazu-chan?" he asked, suddenly anxious.
It took Kame forever to answer, again, and Jin sat up in sudden tense worry, scrunching a hand in his hair and gnawing at his lip. He was about to burst out with the question again when Kame finally answered.
"Mmm." Another long pause. "I guess." He sounded tired, his voice soft and barely audible. "I guess that's what we are."
"Okay," Jin breathed, feeling stupidly relieved and grinning foolishly to himself again. "Okay, so, don't stop calling!" He then launched into telling Kazuya about his day with more enthusiasm than he'd had for it in awhile, all the time grinning stupidly and hardly caring that Kame barely said two more words to him before they hung up.
In the morning he had a vicious headache, but it wasn't enough to keep him from remembering the night before. Oh, shit. What the hell had he said? Kame must think he was an idiot, and in retrospect he didn't sound all that sure they were still friends, either.
Jin took some aspirin and gulped it down with water, trying to control his nausea while he stared at himself in the mirror.
"Bakanishi," he muttered. "No wonder Kame doesn't want to talk to you."
It was about three weeks before Kame called again, and all the time Jin hesitated to call him first, sure that he'd fucked it up and Kame just wasn't going to call again, and probably wouldn't answer if Jin called.
It was the most tense and awkward phone call Jin had ever been a party to, and he wanted to die from embarrassment as he tried to restrain himself from asking about the last time, if Kame was mad at him or thought he was an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he burst out finally, "I'm really sorry about last time, I was so drunk. I know I said a lot of stupid things, you really shouldn't pay attention to me when I'm drunk," he added with a nervous laugh.
Kame made a sound that might have been surprise, a short intake of breath that Jin didn't know how to interpret, and he hastily apologized again and again for about five minutes until Kame told him to shut up.
"It's fine," he said, but he didn't sound fine. He sounded stiff again, and cold. Really far away. "I forgot it already."
Jin had no idea why that answer made the bottom drop out of his stomach, and a heavy weight descend on his chest. "Well, good," he answered, forcing a laugh, and went back to searching desperately for something, anything to talk about. He was so relieved to hang up the phone when that call was over, his hands were shaking and he dropped his phone. What the hell did that mean anyway?
Kame said it was fine, that he forgot, but he sounded mad again and Jin's stomach was tying itself in knots. "I'm never answering the phone when I'm drunk again," he promised himself.
But although the next couple of times Kame called, things eased a little back to their former level of awkwardness, Jin still worried about it, still wondered if Kame considered them friends at all, or if he just thought Jin was annoying and stupid and only called him because he was part of KAT-TUN and it was something he did for the group.
He knew it was stupid even when he did it, but the next time he was too drunk to care about stopping himself he called Kame's phone instead. He wasn't breaking his promise, he told himself. Kame wasn't calling him. He wasn't answering the phone, he was calling Kame's because he just needed to talk to Kame and ask him...
"Kame, do you even like me anymore?" Wait, that hadn't come out right. He'd meant to ask about them being friends, but instead he was hiccuping and sniffling and practically whining at Kame. He tried hastily to fix it, but his brain felt fuzzy. "I mean, you said we're still friends but it doesn't feel like it, it just...jus' doesn't feel like it!" he said miserably. "You're mad at me about somethin' and I don't know why," he noted sadly, a tear sliding down his nose and dripping from the end as he swallowed a sob.
"I know I'm stupid but you don't have to call me if you don't want to talk to me...Kame? Why don't you like me anymore, Kazu-chan? I still like you, I like you best, Kazuya, but you don't like me anymore."
There was a very long silence in which Jin sniffled some more and tried not to start sobbing and oh god he felt dizzy and why the hell had he even decided to get drunk tonight?
Then a long beep sounded in his ear, signifying the end of the allowed time for recording a message. He'd gotten Kame's voicemail and hadn't even noticed. He dropped the phone with a groan and buried his face in his pillow and cried himself to sleep.
He felt like death the next day, didn't even want to get out of bed, but he dragged himself up and it was only when he almost stepped on his phone where he'd dropped it that he remembered talking to Kame...or no, leaving him a message. Shit, what had he said? He couldn't remember, and tugged on his hair in distress.
"Dammit!" He grabbed for the phone without considering what time it was in Japan, calling Kame and rubbing his pounding head while he waited out the rings, wincing and hoping desperately that Kame hadn't checked his messages yet.
"Hello?" Kame's voice sounded drowsy, and Jin smacked himself on the forehead as he realised he must have woken him up.
"I'm sorry," he said hurriedly, "I'm so, so so sorry but um. Can you just please not listen to that message I left you, I mean, if you didn't yet, just don't because I was drunk and I don't know what was in it but it was probably stupid."
"Jin," Kame said dryly, and Jin was startled to realise that the slur in his voice was not sleep, but alcohol. Kame was the one who was drunk, and Jin almost panicked and hung up on him because there was no way this could end well. "You're always stupid. That's what I love about you," he mumbled, and Jin just kind of froze, not at all sure how to take an insult and a confession of love – maybe, unless it was sarcastic – in the same sentence.
"You do?" he blurted, not sure whether to laugh or cry and really needing to know what the hell Kame meant by that, but he so wasn't game to ask at the moment.
"Yeah," Kame agreed. "Guess I do. I dunno why, you don't seem to like me very much either, and you said you didn't mean it, that you missed me, or you wanted to be friends, but then you go and leave messages like that and what's a guy supposed to think, Jin? What do you want, anyway?"
"I...I..." Jin flailed helplessly for a minute, squeezing his temples and wishing that he wasn't so hungover while Kame was apparently, finally, ready to talk. "I want you?" he offered finally, a bit hesitant, hoping that was the right answer. "I mean I, I do like you, and I thought we were friends, and I just...I miss you being my best friend," he finished miserably.
"Well," Kame drawled musingly, "I miss that too, I do, but it's kind of hard, Jin, being that close to you when that's all you want and I...I think I'm in love with you." He sounded serious, but it seemed like he was putting a lot of effort into sounding sober. "See, I wasn't going to tell you, because we were just starting to click again, after the debut, and it would be bad for the group if you broke my heart, since we couldn't work together well anymore, so I thought I just wouldn't tell you unless I thought maybe you felt the same way. But you never did..." He sighed, and Jin could hear the ice clinking as he took another drink of something.
"You're in love with me?" he asked in astonishment, headache forgotten but whoa, he needed to sit down. He sat heavily on the edge of the bed, staring blankly into space. "But you're drunk," he observed numbly. "People say crazy shit when they're drunk, I should know. What the hell was in my message, anyway?"
Kame snorted softly, and his voice was lazy and amused when it came again. "I shouldn't have let you scare me, Jin," he noted. "Do you lie when you're drunk? Most people don't lie when they're drunk. Mostly, that's when they tell the truth. Shoulda remembered that. You said you like me best, Jin. Do you like me best? I suppose I can live with that for now..."
"Wait wait," Jin muttered, feeling like his head was going to fall right off his shoulders, propping it gingerly in one hand and trying to process that. "I said that? Oh god, what else did I say? Please tell me I didn't tell you about that dream I had...."
There was another silence. "And what dream would that be?" Kame asked him softly.
"Uhhh it's nothing, nothing!" Jin assured him hastily, blushing furiously and wishing he hadn't even mentioned it.
"Doesn't sound like nothing," Kame mused, sounding very mellow as he took another drink. "You've been dreaming about me, Jin? Was it a good dream?"
"I...I...well... it was..." Jin floundered to a halt, wary and not sure how to answer that.
Kame's voice turned a little dark and wicked then, a little more knowing than Jin was really comfortable with. "Was I naked?"
Jin yelped a little and tried to say no, but apparently he wasn't any better at lying when he was sober. "Ahaha um, I mean, ah, why would you think that?" he laughed nervously, scrubbing a hand through his unruly hair and wishing he knew whether the hell Kame really meant this or if he was just drunk enough to feel like screwing with Jin's head.
"Well, it would be nice," Kame told him slowly, but there a note of mocking laughter in his voice, or maybe it was just amusement. "Since I dream about you naked all the time."
Jin just kind of sputtered for a minute. "Huh? Okay, you know what, you are drunk. You don't know what you're saying, obviously..." His hands were shaking, slick with sweat as he thought about that, wondering if it could be true, almost surprised to find himself wishing that it was true, because at least if he was crazy he wouldn't have to be crazy by himself. But ohgod if Kame was dreaming about him...naked... oh GOD. His own dreams were coming back to him all too vividly (yes okay, there had been more than one) and he groaned in dismay as he had to press the heel of his hand against the growing tightness in his pants.
"Oh, believe me," Kame answered in a soft, husky voice, "I know exactly what I'm saying." It was pure sex, that voice, and Jin whimpered out loud.
"Kazuya," he breathed, raspy as he gasped for air. There suddenly seemed to be a major shortage of oxygen in the room. "Are...are you really drunk?" he managed to ask finally, proud of himself for finding an intelligent question.
"Mhmm," Kame answered, and Jin could hear him licking his lips. "Yeah, I'd say so. Why? Don't you believe me?" he asked, and the voice was suddenly taunting, definitely amused. "You think I'm full of it, Jin? You think I'm lying, or confused maybe? I know what I want," he informed Jin, his voice dropping back down into the husky sensual depths that made Jin's dick fairly throb with every word. "Do you?"
Jin wanted to cry with frustration, throwing himself back on the bed and jerking his pants open, gasping with relief and biting his lip hard to keep from making any sounds, stroking himself fast and hard, whimpering in his throat as he tried desperately to think about it.
"I want to believe you," he admitted, damn near sobbing with it. "I want you to mean it. Damn it, Kazuya, you better not be fucking with me!"
There was a slight pause, and then that sexy, smoky laughter. "Don't worry, Jin," Kame's dark voice promised. "When you come back, it'll be you fucking me. Do you want that, too?"
Jin's only answer was a strangled groan as he shot all over his hand and his stomach and the bedsheets, too. "Dammit," he said again when he could breathe again. "I swear I'm going to kill you if you aren't serious, Kame," he threatened.
Kame just laughed some more, soft and warm and sexy, promising and taunting and alluring all at once, and then Jin heard the faint click that meant he'd hung up the phone.
Jin was late by the time he got himself showered and dressed and mostly put back together, at least on the outside. He rushed through the day and then spent several hours debating over whether he should call Kame or wait for Kame to call him.
What if he wasn't serious? What if it was all some kind of twisted joke?
But oh god, what if he was?
Jin tugged on his own hair in frustration and tried to decide whether it was worth it, finding out. Kame had to be jerking him around, it just made no fucking sense for him to suddenly be in love with Jin, even if he said it had been awhile how could Jin possibly not have known that, if it was true? He just couldn't wrap his head around it, and maybe he couldn't trust it because if he started thinking it might be true and then it wasn't...
Kame was right about one thing, if they broke each other's hearts it was going to be hell on the group dynamic. Jin couldn't imagine singing and dancing and doing photoshoots right next to someone who would play such a cruel joke on him and didn't even like him in the first place. If that was the truth.
He didn't know anymore what he even wanted the truth to be. He would have settled for getting his best friend back but no, Kame had to go and up the stakes and now Jin was a little bit terrified. He and Kame made good friends, great friends, he remembered that. He wasn't so sure they'd make good lovers. Lovers.
"Oh god," he muttered, and he hit speed dial before he could change his mind.
"I wondered how long that was going to take you," Kame's voice answered the phone, sounding amused and just a little bit shy without the benefit of alcohol. "Did you decide yet?"
"What?" Jin asked breathlessly, a little lost. "Decide?"
"What you want," Kame reminded him patiently, sounding just slightly wary.
"Oh god," Jin said weakly, and sat down right where he was standing, on the floor. "Um...Kame...you were really drunk...are you sure...I mean, do you remember?"
"I remember," Kame told him quietly. "You still don't believe me?" He sounded as if he might be faintly hurt.
Jin let out a long sigh, blowing it out in part relief and part confusion. He didn't know what to say. "You were serious?" he asked finally, tentatively. "You're..." he blushed and tried not to sound too flustered. "In love with me?"
Kame sighed too. "If that's what you want, Jin, then yeah. Yeah I am. But if you don't want it to be that way, then we'll just forget this ever happened. Okay?"
"No!" Jin exclaimed, straightening in shock. "We can't just..." his voice trailed off. "Did you somehow miss the fact that I was jacking off listening to your voice? Do you think I could forget that?" he asked in disbelief.
Kame chuckled softly, sounding relieved. "Well I wasn't sure what part of it you were freaking out about," he admitted. "If it bothers you..."
Jin waved his hand helplessly, groping for words as the big, stupid smile spread across his face again. "No," he said finally, shrugging in resignation as he gave up on finding something intelligent to say. "No bother, I am....I am not bothered at all." He kept grinning, twirling a strand of his own hair around his finger and struggling to find more words to express how incredibly awesome he felt.
"I want you," he said finally, blushing more when Kame laughed softly in his ear. "I want it all, Kazuya. All of you."
"Then that's the way it'll be," Kame told him warmly. "That's what I want too."
Jin knew he was still sitting indoors, on the floor, not to mention it was dark out, but he could have sworn a small waterfall of sunlight had just poured down over his head.
"Okay," he agreed. "Okay." And he laughed in sheer relief and joy and giddy anticipation. "When I get home..."
"Mmm," Kame agreed, and Jin laughed some more.
They sat there for a long time with occasional laughter and occasional fits and starts of conversation, finishing each other's sentences or not bothering at all and mostly, just wearing silly smiles and listening to each other breathe.
It was the most wonderful phone call Jin had ever been a part of, ever.
Author: Kagemihari
Rating: R
Pairing: Akame (Kamenashi Kazuya/Akanishi Jin)
Summary: Jin in LA angst originally posted here as comment fic. This is
sollasollew11's fault, merely because I saw her subject line here and it ran with me in an entirely different direction. Er, one that does not include pole dancing, alas. It wasn't that he didn't call. Kame called him on a regular basis - not every night, but often. Once a week, maybe. Jin ended up wishing he wouldn't, because it seemed he never had anything to say.
Jin would talk desperately, brightly, filling the silences with stories of LA and where he'd gone and what he'd seen that day, and Kame would answer in monosyllables and never talk back, no matter how hard Jin tried to draw him out.
It was as if he called out of duty, not because he wanted to. Jin never could figure it out, why he called at all, and he didn't dare ask in case the answer was that Kame was still mad at him, for leaving in the first place.
He couldn't bring himself to hang up, either, no matter how awkward it got, and for some reason Kame didn't either, so sometimes they just ended up breathing at each other over a silent line, in and out in the silence until Jin thought he was going to scream just to break it.
He would scramble frantically for something else, anything else to say, and ended up repeating himself a lot, but he never got anything but the same monosyllables in return, simple acknowledgements that he was talking but no real response. It was as if Kame didn't even notice that Jin had told him the same story three, five, ten times and went silent for long stretches in between.
Jin wondered wildly sometimes if Kame would even notice if he started talking in English, things Kame couldn't even understand, but he didn't try it because if he tried that and he still got the same responses, as if Kame was absently listening to the tone and not the content merely so he could pretend to respond appropriately, Jin thought his heart might just crack in two.
This went on for months, and it got worse, each awkward horrible phone call stretching out until one of them would finally mercifully put it out of it's misery because of the legitimate excuse of having to get up in the morning. Jin began to dread the nights Kame would call, was so thankful that it wasn't every night; even if he was desperate to hear Kame's voice, he couldn't stand it like this.
He hated himself for being grateful when the calls came less frequently, every two weeks or maybe three times a month. He could stand that, or so he told himself, but he felt guilty all the same for not wanting to get a call from someone who was supposedly a friend. Had been his best friend, at one time. Jin wasn't even sure when exactly that had changed, or who to blame.
He didn't even know why he kept answering, partly out of guilt and partly because he was far away and alone and he needed some sort of connection, any sort of reminder that the others hadn't forgotten him, especially Kame. He just wished Kame would talk more, because Jin loved the sound of his voice, but it was always just a word or two here and there, and a lot of silence.
Jin thought it was pathetic that he even felt better when he could just hear Kame breathing on the other end, and know that he wasn't alone, that for whatever reason, even if it was duty, Kame still cared enough to keep calling.
So maybe that was why he kept answering, although it took him three months to make the mistake of answering while he was drunk. He had no idea the next morning what he'd actually said, but whatever it had been had made Kame very very quiet. There had been a lot of silence, he remembered that.
The next time, he was perhaps slightly less drunk, but he'd answered his phone without looking to see who it was, and then blinked stupidly when he heard Kame's voice as he answered.
"Oh, I wasn't gonna do this again," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead and trying to decide through the haze in his brain whether it would be better to muddle through and risk making Kame so mad he never called again, or hang up on him and not even deal with it - but probably that would make him mad too, because it was rude to hang up on people.
"Sorry, Kame, I'm kinda drunk," he apologized, pacing a little as he pulled his own hair with a vague sense of impending doom. "Sorry, I'm ...I'm good. How are you, how's it going? Right, I forgot, you aren't talking to me anymore...why you keep callin' anyway, huh? Whas...what's the point? You don't have to jus' cause you...you have to," he attempted to explain in a rather wounded voice.
Kame didn't answer for a long time, and Jin was about to sigh and begin rambling about something, which was fortunately at least easier when he was drunk, to ramble on about nothing.
"I just don't know what to say," Kame said finally, sounding stiff and awkward.
Jin immediately melted, both literally and figuratively, dropping bonelessly down on the couch and cradling the phone to his ear with a silly grin.
"Aww, there's my Kazuya," he noted happily, easily reading the simple nervousness in Kame's voice, though he had no idea of the reason for it. It wasn't the coldness or the boredom he'd been half expecting, and in his current state it made him feel ridiculously warm. Kame really was a turtle. For some reason that made perfect sense as well, and he felt the need to share it with Kame.
"You really are a turtle, Kazu-chan," he snickered, petting a sofa cushion as if it were Kame's hair. "I missed hearing you talk to me, I keep talking and talking but you never talk back and I thought you were mad at me about something, or maybe we aren't friends anymore...we're friends, right, Kazu-chan?" he asked, suddenly anxious.
It took Kame forever to answer, again, and Jin sat up in sudden tense worry, scrunching a hand in his hair and gnawing at his lip. He was about to burst out with the question again when Kame finally answered.
"Mmm." Another long pause. "I guess." He sounded tired, his voice soft and barely audible. "I guess that's what we are."
"Okay," Jin breathed, feeling stupidly relieved and grinning foolishly to himself again. "Okay, so, don't stop calling!" He then launched into telling Kazuya about his day with more enthusiasm than he'd had for it in awhile, all the time grinning stupidly and hardly caring that Kame barely said two more words to him before they hung up.
In the morning he had a vicious headache, but it wasn't enough to keep him from remembering the night before. Oh, shit. What the hell had he said? Kame must think he was an idiot, and in retrospect he didn't sound all that sure they were still friends, either.
Jin took some aspirin and gulped it down with water, trying to control his nausea while he stared at himself in the mirror.
"Bakanishi," he muttered. "No wonder Kame doesn't want to talk to you."
It was about three weeks before Kame called again, and all the time Jin hesitated to call him first, sure that he'd fucked it up and Kame just wasn't going to call again, and probably wouldn't answer if Jin called.
It was the most tense and awkward phone call Jin had ever been a party to, and he wanted to die from embarrassment as he tried to restrain himself from asking about the last time, if Kame was mad at him or thought he was an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he burst out finally, "I'm really sorry about last time, I was so drunk. I know I said a lot of stupid things, you really shouldn't pay attention to me when I'm drunk," he added with a nervous laugh.
Kame made a sound that might have been surprise, a short intake of breath that Jin didn't know how to interpret, and he hastily apologized again and again for about five minutes until Kame told him to shut up.
"It's fine," he said, but he didn't sound fine. He sounded stiff again, and cold. Really far away. "I forgot it already."
Jin had no idea why that answer made the bottom drop out of his stomach, and a heavy weight descend on his chest. "Well, good," he answered, forcing a laugh, and went back to searching desperately for something, anything to talk about. He was so relieved to hang up the phone when that call was over, his hands were shaking and he dropped his phone. What the hell did that mean anyway?
Kame said it was fine, that he forgot, but he sounded mad again and Jin's stomach was tying itself in knots. "I'm never answering the phone when I'm drunk again," he promised himself.
But although the next couple of times Kame called, things eased a little back to their former level of awkwardness, Jin still worried about it, still wondered if Kame considered them friends at all, or if he just thought Jin was annoying and stupid and only called him because he was part of KAT-TUN and it was something he did for the group.
He knew it was stupid even when he did it, but the next time he was too drunk to care about stopping himself he called Kame's phone instead. He wasn't breaking his promise, he told himself. Kame wasn't calling him. He wasn't answering the phone, he was calling Kame's because he just needed to talk to Kame and ask him...
"Kame, do you even like me anymore?" Wait, that hadn't come out right. He'd meant to ask about them being friends, but instead he was hiccuping and sniffling and practically whining at Kame. He tried hastily to fix it, but his brain felt fuzzy. "I mean, you said we're still friends but it doesn't feel like it, it just...jus' doesn't feel like it!" he said miserably. "You're mad at me about somethin' and I don't know why," he noted sadly, a tear sliding down his nose and dripping from the end as he swallowed a sob.
"I know I'm stupid but you don't have to call me if you don't want to talk to me...Kame? Why don't you like me anymore, Kazu-chan? I still like you, I like you best, Kazuya, but you don't like me anymore."
There was a very long silence in which Jin sniffled some more and tried not to start sobbing and oh god he felt dizzy and why the hell had he even decided to get drunk tonight?
Then a long beep sounded in his ear, signifying the end of the allowed time for recording a message. He'd gotten Kame's voicemail and hadn't even noticed. He dropped the phone with a groan and buried his face in his pillow and cried himself to sleep.
He felt like death the next day, didn't even want to get out of bed, but he dragged himself up and it was only when he almost stepped on his phone where he'd dropped it that he remembered talking to Kame...or no, leaving him a message. Shit, what had he said? He couldn't remember, and tugged on his hair in distress.
"Dammit!" He grabbed for the phone without considering what time it was in Japan, calling Kame and rubbing his pounding head while he waited out the rings, wincing and hoping desperately that Kame hadn't checked his messages yet.
"Hello?" Kame's voice sounded drowsy, and Jin smacked himself on the forehead as he realised he must have woken him up.
"I'm sorry," he said hurriedly, "I'm so, so so sorry but um. Can you just please not listen to that message I left you, I mean, if you didn't yet, just don't because I was drunk and I don't know what was in it but it was probably stupid."
"Jin," Kame said dryly, and Jin was startled to realise that the slur in his voice was not sleep, but alcohol. Kame was the one who was drunk, and Jin almost panicked and hung up on him because there was no way this could end well. "You're always stupid. That's what I love about you," he mumbled, and Jin just kind of froze, not at all sure how to take an insult and a confession of love – maybe, unless it was sarcastic – in the same sentence.
"You do?" he blurted, not sure whether to laugh or cry and really needing to know what the hell Kame meant by that, but he so wasn't game to ask at the moment.
"Yeah," Kame agreed. "Guess I do. I dunno why, you don't seem to like me very much either, and you said you didn't mean it, that you missed me, or you wanted to be friends, but then you go and leave messages like that and what's a guy supposed to think, Jin? What do you want, anyway?"
"I...I..." Jin flailed helplessly for a minute, squeezing his temples and wishing that he wasn't so hungover while Kame was apparently, finally, ready to talk. "I want you?" he offered finally, a bit hesitant, hoping that was the right answer. "I mean I, I do like you, and I thought we were friends, and I just...I miss you being my best friend," he finished miserably.
"Well," Kame drawled musingly, "I miss that too, I do, but it's kind of hard, Jin, being that close to you when that's all you want and I...I think I'm in love with you." He sounded serious, but it seemed like he was putting a lot of effort into sounding sober. "See, I wasn't going to tell you, because we were just starting to click again, after the debut, and it would be bad for the group if you broke my heart, since we couldn't work together well anymore, so I thought I just wouldn't tell you unless I thought maybe you felt the same way. But you never did..." He sighed, and Jin could hear the ice clinking as he took another drink of something.
"You're in love with me?" he asked in astonishment, headache forgotten but whoa, he needed to sit down. He sat heavily on the edge of the bed, staring blankly into space. "But you're drunk," he observed numbly. "People say crazy shit when they're drunk, I should know. What the hell was in my message, anyway?"
Kame snorted softly, and his voice was lazy and amused when it came again. "I shouldn't have let you scare me, Jin," he noted. "Do you lie when you're drunk? Most people don't lie when they're drunk. Mostly, that's when they tell the truth. Shoulda remembered that. You said you like me best, Jin. Do you like me best? I suppose I can live with that for now..."
"Wait wait," Jin muttered, feeling like his head was going to fall right off his shoulders, propping it gingerly in one hand and trying to process that. "I said that? Oh god, what else did I say? Please tell me I didn't tell you about that dream I had...."
There was another silence. "And what dream would that be?" Kame asked him softly.
"Uhhh it's nothing, nothing!" Jin assured him hastily, blushing furiously and wishing he hadn't even mentioned it.
"Doesn't sound like nothing," Kame mused, sounding very mellow as he took another drink. "You've been dreaming about me, Jin? Was it a good dream?"
"I...I...well... it was..." Jin floundered to a halt, wary and not sure how to answer that.
Kame's voice turned a little dark and wicked then, a little more knowing than Jin was really comfortable with. "Was I naked?"
Jin yelped a little and tried to say no, but apparently he wasn't any better at lying when he was sober. "Ahaha um, I mean, ah, why would you think that?" he laughed nervously, scrubbing a hand through his unruly hair and wishing he knew whether the hell Kame really meant this or if he was just drunk enough to feel like screwing with Jin's head.
"Well, it would be nice," Kame told him slowly, but there a note of mocking laughter in his voice, or maybe it was just amusement. "Since I dream about you naked all the time."
Jin just kind of sputtered for a minute. "Huh? Okay, you know what, you are drunk. You don't know what you're saying, obviously..." His hands were shaking, slick with sweat as he thought about that, wondering if it could be true, almost surprised to find himself wishing that it was true, because at least if he was crazy he wouldn't have to be crazy by himself. But ohgod if Kame was dreaming about him...naked... oh GOD. His own dreams were coming back to him all too vividly (yes okay, there had been more than one) and he groaned in dismay as he had to press the heel of his hand against the growing tightness in his pants.
"Oh, believe me," Kame answered in a soft, husky voice, "I know exactly what I'm saying." It was pure sex, that voice, and Jin whimpered out loud.
"Kazuya," he breathed, raspy as he gasped for air. There suddenly seemed to be a major shortage of oxygen in the room. "Are...are you really drunk?" he managed to ask finally, proud of himself for finding an intelligent question.
"Mhmm," Kame answered, and Jin could hear him licking his lips. "Yeah, I'd say so. Why? Don't you believe me?" he asked, and the voice was suddenly taunting, definitely amused. "You think I'm full of it, Jin? You think I'm lying, or confused maybe? I know what I want," he informed Jin, his voice dropping back down into the husky sensual depths that made Jin's dick fairly throb with every word. "Do you?"
Jin wanted to cry with frustration, throwing himself back on the bed and jerking his pants open, gasping with relief and biting his lip hard to keep from making any sounds, stroking himself fast and hard, whimpering in his throat as he tried desperately to think about it.
"I want to believe you," he admitted, damn near sobbing with it. "I want you to mean it. Damn it, Kazuya, you better not be fucking with me!"
There was a slight pause, and then that sexy, smoky laughter. "Don't worry, Jin," Kame's dark voice promised. "When you come back, it'll be you fucking me. Do you want that, too?"
Jin's only answer was a strangled groan as he shot all over his hand and his stomach and the bedsheets, too. "Dammit," he said again when he could breathe again. "I swear I'm going to kill you if you aren't serious, Kame," he threatened.
Kame just laughed some more, soft and warm and sexy, promising and taunting and alluring all at once, and then Jin heard the faint click that meant he'd hung up the phone.
Jin was late by the time he got himself showered and dressed and mostly put back together, at least on the outside. He rushed through the day and then spent several hours debating over whether he should call Kame or wait for Kame to call him.
What if he wasn't serious? What if it was all some kind of twisted joke?
But oh god, what if he was?
Jin tugged on his own hair in frustration and tried to decide whether it was worth it, finding out. Kame had to be jerking him around, it just made no fucking sense for him to suddenly be in love with Jin, even if he said it had been awhile how could Jin possibly not have known that, if it was true? He just couldn't wrap his head around it, and maybe he couldn't trust it because if he started thinking it might be true and then it wasn't...
Kame was right about one thing, if they broke each other's hearts it was going to be hell on the group dynamic. Jin couldn't imagine singing and dancing and doing photoshoots right next to someone who would play such a cruel joke on him and didn't even like him in the first place. If that was the truth.
He didn't know anymore what he even wanted the truth to be. He would have settled for getting his best friend back but no, Kame had to go and up the stakes and now Jin was a little bit terrified. He and Kame made good friends, great friends, he remembered that. He wasn't so sure they'd make good lovers. Lovers.
"Oh god," he muttered, and he hit speed dial before he could change his mind.
"I wondered how long that was going to take you," Kame's voice answered the phone, sounding amused and just a little bit shy without the benefit of alcohol. "Did you decide yet?"
"What?" Jin asked breathlessly, a little lost. "Decide?"
"What you want," Kame reminded him patiently, sounding just slightly wary.
"Oh god," Jin said weakly, and sat down right where he was standing, on the floor. "Um...Kame...you were really drunk...are you sure...I mean, do you remember?"
"I remember," Kame told him quietly. "You still don't believe me?" He sounded as if he might be faintly hurt.
Jin let out a long sigh, blowing it out in part relief and part confusion. He didn't know what to say. "You were serious?" he asked finally, tentatively. "You're..." he blushed and tried not to sound too flustered. "In love with me?"
Kame sighed too. "If that's what you want, Jin, then yeah. Yeah I am. But if you don't want it to be that way, then we'll just forget this ever happened. Okay?"
"No!" Jin exclaimed, straightening in shock. "We can't just..." his voice trailed off. "Did you somehow miss the fact that I was jacking off listening to your voice? Do you think I could forget that?" he asked in disbelief.
Kame chuckled softly, sounding relieved. "Well I wasn't sure what part of it you were freaking out about," he admitted. "If it bothers you..."
Jin waved his hand helplessly, groping for words as the big, stupid smile spread across his face again. "No," he said finally, shrugging in resignation as he gave up on finding something intelligent to say. "No bother, I am....I am not bothered at all." He kept grinning, twirling a strand of his own hair around his finger and struggling to find more words to express how incredibly awesome he felt.
"I want you," he said finally, blushing more when Kame laughed softly in his ear. "I want it all, Kazuya. All of you."
"Then that's the way it'll be," Kame told him warmly. "That's what I want too."
Jin knew he was still sitting indoors, on the floor, not to mention it was dark out, but he could have sworn a small waterfall of sunlight had just poured down over his head.
"Okay," he agreed. "Okay." And he laughed in sheer relief and joy and giddy anticipation. "When I get home..."
"Mmm," Kame agreed, and Jin laughed some more.
They sat there for a long time with occasional laughter and occasional fits and starts of conversation, finishing each other's sentences or not bothering at all and mostly, just wearing silly smiles and listening to each other breathe.
It was the most wonderful phone call Jin had ever been a part of, ever.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-02 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-02 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-30 10:00 pm (UTC)This sentence cracks my heart in two T_T
"You really are a turtle, Kazu-chan," he snickered, petting a sofa cushion as if it were Kame's hair.
^____^
"Mmm." Another long pause. "I guess." He sounded tired, his voice soft and barely audible. "I guess that's what we are."
T_T
"I know I'm stupid but you don't have to call me if you don't want to talk to me...Kame? Why don't you like me anymore, Kazu-chan? I still like you, I like you best, Kazuya, but you don't like me anymore."
Why must you break my heart like this? There's only so much angst I can take without crying D:
"You're always stupid. That's what I love about you"
:DDDD
"...but then you go and leave messages like that and what's a guy supposed to think, Jin? What do you want, anyway?"
I love this. Idk. It's just so...real.
Kame's voice turned a little dark and wicked then, a little more knowing than Jin was really comfortable with.
I am more than comfortable with this change in events XDIt was pure sex, that voice
*agrees*
"I want to believe you," he admitted, damn near sobbing with it. "I want you to mean it. Damn it, Kazuya, you better not be fucking with me!"
I love how Jin is losing control and his emotions are spilling out and taking over him
Kame just laughed some more, soft and warm and sexy, promising and taunting and alluring all at once
:DDDDDDDDDDDDD
They sat there for a long time with occasional laughter and occasional fits and starts of conversation, finishing each other's sentences or not bothering at all and mostly, just wearing silly smiles and listening to each other breathe.
It was the most wonderful phone call Jin had ever been a part of, ever.
Perfect ending ♥
I wanted to quote everything back at you, and if you think this comment is long, well, I tried really hard to cut it down, I swear. I absolutely adore this fic ^_____^no subject
Date: 2010-01-31 08:23 am (UTC)