Original poetry: Embrace

[soracia]

Freeverse poetry, no notes, no warnings really...well, angst I suppose, as usual...

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E m b r a c e
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I'm defeated, broken down
I feel useless, worthless, but I don't care
I've never been worth anything
There's nothing left
I'm empty, lost
I can't feel anything
I've run to you, and I'm standing here
Not because I think you will help me
Just that I have a memory
Of you saying that I should
You said come to me
So I did, not expecting anything
I don't care what happens anymore
I stand here, weary
Mostly because I was too tired to resist
Do you want to torment me some more
With promises of things that I can't see or feel?
I have no hope left now
And very little faith
All I have is that you said, come
I have to take you at your word
Did you mean what you said?
Does it matter now?
I am here because I have nowhere else to go
And I wait for you to let me down
Like everything and everyone else
Then you wrap your arms around me
Hold me close to you
Shocked, I hold my breath
Not daring to move lest I shatter this illusion
It feels so real, so right
So warm, as if you really cared
Not possible, I know
That you, so beautiful, so bright
See anything at all in me
But a dirty broken tool
I freeze, fighting the urge to run
To tear away before I am pushed aside
It hurts to stand here, pretending this is real
Wanting it so much
Needing this, needing you
I hate it and I want to scream
Run away...
But oh, it feels good...feels safe
In spite of my fears and doubts
Peace and hope seem to flow from you
Reminding me that you've become
Something I can't live without
I should push you away
Reject before I can be rejected
But I...want this so much...
I want it to be real, be true
I just...want you to love me
I know you said you do
You said you'd never, never leave me
Oh god, I want that to be true!
All I have is your word
Your promise
Can I...trust you?


© Kagemihari 15 sep 2003