JE: Sunset WIP (KAT-TUN, Akame, R)
Apr. 14th, 2008 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soraciaAuthor: Kagemihari ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
flamesword
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Summary: After 70 years together things are quieter and life is slower now, and they don't move as easily or hear as well as they used to, but their bond is stronger than ever, and they've all the time in the world now, just to be together. First posted here on the Akame comment fic meme, WIP still unfinished.
Some people age more gracefully than others, of course. Then there's the ones that never seem to age at all, no matter how many years they have.
Jin's hair is white, now, and the smile wrinkles on his face are creased deep; he smiles a lot, and it's left it's mark, but Kame still thinks he's beautiful. His bones ache and he moves stiffly now, but still with a kind of grace that Kame just watches in adoration. In lust, even, because no matter how old he gets Jin is never going to not be sexy, not to Kame.
Sometimes he still thinks that Jin is still five years old, in some ways will always be five years old, but it's as adorable as it's ever been, and it makes him good with the children, the nieces and nephews, mostly Kame's but theirs, really. They call him Uncle Jin, and nobody questions it.
The world has changed a lot in the last fifty years, and the change Kame is most grateful for is that it's not weird anymore, it's not something frowned upon or something they have to hide that Jin is his boyfriend, actually his husband, (it's still hard to remember that this is a fact and not just wishful thinking, even if it's been thirty years), and not just a friend.
Jin has never been just a friend, but Kame hasn't always been sure what he is, either. They've had their ups and downs, like any other couple, but they are still together and Kame still thinks Jin is the most beautiful person ever created. Sometimes he is still the most stupid, too, but even that is adorable and Kame has never minded doing the thinking for both of them.
He's never going to get tired of waking up next to him, either, of opening his eyes and the first thing he sees is Jin, buried headfirst in the pillows and burrowed as close to Kame as he can get, as always. Kame has felt smothered by it at times, weighed down by knowing that Jin more often than not just doesn't sleep when he isn't there, but all in all he wouldn't give it up for the world.
After all, he already gave the world up for Jin.
The first thing Kame does every morning is smile, because usually it's Jin's hair tickling his nose that woke him up. It's still soft and a bit fluffy, even if it's white. Jin used to dye it when it first started turning grey, and Kame had laughed at him but secretly liked the fact that Jin still wanted to look good for him, still cared what he looked like.
Eventually it went completely white, and Jin decided that was cool enough to leave it, but he still wore it in the style of a younger generation. It tends to fly away and go everywhere in his sleep, and inevitably sooner or later it wakes Kame, brushing and tickling at his nose, and even if he sleepily tries to brush it away without really waking up, it never works because he's pulling Jin closer at the same time.
Kame sleeps lightly now, anyway, partly because somewhere along the way he got used to waking often in the night to check on Jin. Jin gets cold when he sleeps, and it's worse now that they're older; if Kame doesn't make sure he's well covered, Jin will keep trying to burrow into his warmth until he pushes Kame right off the bed.
They're old enough now that a fall like that wouldn't be a joke. Kame could actually break something. They're in better shape physically than most people their age, mainly because they always kept themselves fit and active as much as possible, but still - they aren't young anymore.
It's a fair trade off, Kame thinks, for having years and years piled up, memory upon memory of being together, loving each other, fighting occasionally (sometimes even seriously) but always working it out, and it's the working it out that's the best sometimes, the sense of victory and completion that goes with knowing yes, they can make it through this too, and that, and pretty much anything as long as they have each other.
They belong together, in some certain way, whether it's kizuna or fate or just destiny, Kame's always known it and now he has more than seventy years of proof. It's not perfect, but it's them, and it's all he's ever wanted.
They have small fights all the time, less now that they're older and they just don't have the energy for it anymore - at least, Kame doesn't, though he sometimes wonders if Jin will ever run out of his seemingly limitless supply.
Perhaps it is just that many of the small things don't matter as much anymore, with so many years of being together smoothing away the differences and making them seem small and insignificant.
Kame still sighs at the way Jin still leaves his clothes wherever he dropped them when he took them off, and Jin still grumbles when Kame insists on picking up after him and putting things away when he was just going to use them again, but it's a long time of back and forth between them, and they've worked out a rhythm to it, like so many other things.
They've only had a few really serious fights, and at least twice it was because Kame was working too much again, and not only did Jin never see him, but when he did, Kame was always too tired for anything like fun or sex or even just being good company.
Jin waited him out at first, thinking oh, he's got a new drama or movie or whatever, it will get better once things slow down - but they didn't slow down, because Kame seemed to keep taking things on as fast as he could finish them, doing more and more until all he was doing was working, and by the time Jin decided enough was enough, Kame couldn't figure out why it had taken him so long to say something, and both of them ended up hurt and sulking for days.
Jin knew that Kame was happiest when he was working, and he didn't want to be selfish about it, but he didn't think it was unreasonable either to expect Kame to have some time for him once in awhile. Eventually they compromised; Kame agreed to start working less, only doing one project at time, and Jin looked for ways he could be there while Kame was working, if not actually on the same project.
For awhile it was good, and things were better again. But gradually Kame got busier and busier again, and Jin would find himself on his own more often than not, and he thought here we go again.
It happened several times over the next ten to twelve years, a cycle that took several years to repeat but nevertheless always ended up at exactly the same point, and the biggest fight they ever had became a screaming match in which Jin insisted that Kame had to quit, because he was not putting up with it anymore, and Kame absolutely refused because he loved it, he was good at it, and he wouldn't know what the hell to do with himself if he wasn't working at all.
Jin understood that, he did, but he was a lot closer to forty than he liked at this point, and it was just too long and he was too old to keep on pretending that he was okay with the way things were going, being alone almost all the time when he was supposedly in a relationship.
"I don't know!" he yelled back. "We'll find something else for you to do, but something that's not work, Kame, because I'm done. Either it goes, or I do, because right now Kazuya, there's no reason for me to stay. You wouldn't even notice if I wasn't here!"
This was of course not entirely true, but Jin had always been fond of being dramatic, and there was a lot more truth to it than Kame liked to admit. It just scared him to death, the idea of quitting, of giving up everything completely, because he'd been in the entertainment industry in one way or another for twenty odd years, and he didn't have anything else.
He was only thirty five, but that was still too old for starting over in a whole new career, and the only other thing he'd ever really wanted to do was play baseball. No matter how good he might have been once, which was debatable, there was no way he could go back to it at this point and make a real success of it. Not the way he'd once dreamed.
But he looked at Jin, really looked at him, and Jin was serious this time, looked tired and lonely and hurt, and Kame could tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he hadn't been sleeping. He hadn't ever meant for things to get this bad, hadn't realised how unhappy Jin was, how much it was hurting him to have Kame ignore him in favor of another project, another drama, another concert, always more work because he didn't seem to know how to say no.
"I don't know what to do," he said finally, feeling lost. "I don't know who I'd be, Jin." But he didn't know who he'd be without Jin, either, and that was just as scary. He'd never thought it would come down to this, that he'd have to decide if he loved Jin more than he loved what he did.
When it came down to it, though, when he put it like that it was just that simple, because Jin was wrong. Even at his busiest, Kame was always grateful he was there, always looked forward to coming home even if he knew Jin would already be asleep, looked forward just to crawling in beside him and curling up against his warmth to finally get a few hours of sleep. Loved the way Jin would always turn toward him, wrap an arm around him and burrow in against his side, even in his sleep, making contented snuffling noises and relaxing as he never quite did when Kame wasn't there.
He would miss that, miss everything because underneath it all Jin was really the most important thing in his life, a constant steady warmth at his back that he could always count on, and he hated the sudden realisation that he hadn't been returning the favor, that Jin had felt left in the cold and didn't think Kame would even miss him.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do."
"We'll figure it out," Jin told him earnestly, a small spark of hope lighting in his eyes at Kame's hesitation, the hesitation that told him he was finally getting through, that Kame was at least considering it. "Come here," he said, but he was the one who moved, coming over to wrap Kame in a tight hug and kiss him insistently.
"We'll find out, Kazuya. It doesn't matter if you don't know who you are, we'll just have to find out. Together, okay? I don't want to do things without you anymore. We'll do something together, we'll figure it out. It doesn't matter, right? Because it'll be us."
Kame laughed, a small choked sound buried in Jin's shoulder, and cuffed him on the head for being stupid, because no way was it that simple, but he held on tight, soaking in the warmth and reminding himself that this was what he really wanted, more than anything. It didn't make it easy, but it did make it worth it, and he swallowed hard and nodded finally, not looking up.
"Okay," he said softly. "Okay. I'll quit."
The entertainment world was rocked a few days later when Kamenashi Kazuya held a press conference to announce that he would be retiring as soon as he completed all his current projects.
Kame didn't explain, he just looked over to the side where Jin was smiling at him, looking happier and more relaxed than he had in years, and he smiled back.
Yeah, it was going to be worth it.
When Kame wakes up in the mornings he smiles, nose twitching, and buries his face in Jin's hair for just a few heartbeats, scenting and breathing before he rolls over and extricates himself from Jin's clinging grip with the ease of long practice. Well. Perhaps not ease, but he is proficient at the particular twistshimmywriggle and tug required to pull himself free without waking Jin up immediately. It's less of a shimmy now and more of a stiff rocking, but it still works ninety percent of the time.
Once free he rolls over and sits up slowly, turning back to place a kiss on Jin's frowning temple – his lover is already missing his cuddle toy, even in his sleep, and Kame chuckles under his breath, soft and dry as he evades the creeping hand reaching for the empty spot he left behind.
He heads for the kitchen to make coffee, as strong as he can stand it, and pours two cups – one plain with lots of cream, and to the other he adds enough sugar to make him gag. It's a habit now, but every now and then it still makes him smile and shake his head, remembering what that much sugar used to do to Jin. It still leaves him wired, but he's too old to go bouncing off the walls the way he once did.
Kame carries the coffee into the bedroom, setting the sweetened cup on the table beside the bed and standing for a few minutes with his own, sipping slowly and watching Jin sleep. This Jin-watching time is built into his morning routine, a certain number of minutes he allows himself for just watching, implemented after he'd found himself running behind one too many times because of it.
He no longer needs to follow such a strict schedule, most days, but like many other things it is a habit he is fond of, and to be honest after so long he doesn't quite know how to not regulate his time severely down to the last minute, how to simply let the day flow without a constant awareness of where he has to be or do and when and how long he will have to spend doing it.
After ten minutes (a luxury he can afford now, extended from two to five when he retired, and finally to ten when it occurred to him that he could) he reaches down to stroke Jin's hair, rubbing the back of his neck and waking him up, or at least starting him on the way to waking up – the smell of hot coffee nearby will do the rest, and Kame goes in to take his shower.
His hearing isn't sharp enough anymore to actually hear Jin cursing behind him when he finally wakes up enough to realise where Kame is going, but he knows the sound of it by heart anyway, and it makes him smile as he imagines it. Jin hates it when he showers by himself, though these days it is more of a safety issue and less of whatever it used to be – Kame doesn't even know, some twisted kind of jealousy? But Jin has always hated it, even back when the risk of Kame falling and hurting himself wasn't actually a danger.
"Kaaame!" The loud, aggrieved complaint comes right on schedule, bellowed in his general direction as Jin drags himself out of bed, much more slowly than he used to and limping with morning stiffness as he follows Kame into the bathroom, banging the door like he has done pretty much every morning that Kame can remember. "You little shit," Jin accuses him without heat, like he does every day and Kame just tilts his face up, closing his eyes and smiling into the spray as Jin comes over and awkwardly slides in behind him.
"Wake me up next time," Jin orders him as he slips his arms around Kame's waist and hugs him possessively from behind, although they both know Kame won't because the schedule doesn't go that way, and he rather likes this little routine the way it is. After fifty odd years together there are only so many ways he can get on Jin's nerves anymore, and the fact that this particular morning ritual irritates the hell out of him amuses Kame probably more than it should.
"You're still too thin," Jin tells him he helps Kame wash – Kame used to try to return the favor, but gave up after he realised that it clashed with Jin's I'm taking care of you streak, and tended to put him in a bad mood. This particular quirk amuses Kame a great deal and in fact used to puzzle him a lot when it began showing up with more regularity around his fifty or sixty something birthday, because Jin is not normally one to turn down a chance at getting pampered in return. He'd eventually realised that it was Jin's possessiveness at work again, coupled with an interesting protectiveness that hasn't always been there, but which is apparently thwarted by Kame turning it around on him.
He doesn't bother anymore, just smiles and enjoys it, getting his own back in other ways. "You're still too fat," he retorts, though this is even less true than it used to be.
"Am not," Jin answers automatically, and though it's slightly absentminded Kame can still hear the pout in his voice, and it's as adorable as it's always been. He turns in Jin's arms and reaches up to kiss him, warm and affectionate, and Jin is distracted enough to forget that he knows he's being distracted. Twenty, even fifteen years ago this would have led to shower sex, but these days they can't really afford it – it is too slippery and the risk of falling is just too great.
Rather, Kame finally reluctantly lets go when things are getting a bit too intense, knowing that it falls to him to maintain common sense in this kind of situtation, and he firmly pushes Jin away and climbs out, reaching for a towel and smiling a little as he listens to Jin complain and sulk behind him, shutting off the water and pouting as he also gets out, not bothering with a towel but pushing Kame up against the sink for another heated, hungry kiss.
Sometimes Kame wonders if they will ever get enough of each other – when they were young and desperate he used to think that maybe their passion would burn itself out in a few years, and it is true that they've had some times where they barely see each other and don't have sex for weeks at a time; Kame knows that has usually been his own fault, but somehow they always found it again, stronger than before.
And then one day he woke up and realised they weren't young anymore, and yet Jin was still the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, and Kame wanted him just as badly, and that has never changed, even if Jin's careless grace is slower now, more deliberate, and his hair is white instead of black or brown or red, and he has little smile wrinkles all over his face. Kame still thinks he's beautiful, still burns for him and is always grateful that Jin seems to want him just as much, even now.
Today he laughs softly and pushes Jin away after a long, satisfying kiss, adjusting the towel that Jin had almost made slip from around his waist and heading out the door.
"Be good and you'll get some later~" he teases, because one thing that has never changed about Kame is that he loves teasing Jin, seeing him worked up and frustrated and wanting. He hears Jin sigh and mutter something explosive behind him, and he doesn't quite catch the words but he doesn't need to, anymore. The scene is too familiar, and Jin's lines in it have never changed much more than his own.
He gets dressed as quickly as he can manage in simple, comfortable clothing, trying to beat the time before Jin comes back into the room and tries to persuade him that later is now. Jin moans and complains about his teasing, but for all of that he's never quite realised just how weak Kame can be when Jin will push the issue. His determination can only withstand so much, after all.
Once dressed he makes his way down to the kitchen in stocking feet – he used to go barefoot, but his circulation isn't as good as it used to be and his feet get too cold these days. He hums to himself, in a good mood as he goes about making some omelettes, taking special care to make Jin's just the way he likes it, though Kame knows that Jin is no pickier about food than he ever was, and still will eat basically whatever is put in front of him.
He hears Jin's soft feet sneaking up behind him when he is almost done, more because the floor creaks than because the footsteps are loud enough for his hearing to pick up, but he pretends not to notice until Jin's arms snake around his waist to hug him from behind, and soft kisses wander up the side of his neck to end in tender nibbles at his ear.
"Idiot," he scolds, tilting his head away, trying not to shiver too much and give himself away. "I'm not breakfast. If you wait just a minute, I'll be done here and then you can have actual food."
Jin hums and lets him go, but he is smirking as he moves over to the cabinet to take out some plates and cups, setting them on the table in preparation. "I'd rather have you," he notes, his voice as low and smoky and suggestive as ever, and sometimes Kame kind of hates him for still being able to do that when his own voice has gotten too thin and scratchy to be seductive anymore, even when he's trying. Not that Jin ever seems to mind, but it bothers him occasionally. He'd never guess that Jin rather enjoys the gravelly rasp he has now.
"Later," Kame insists, rather primly, and he doesn't notice the way Jin is watching him with his chin in his hand, a rather silly smile on his face because Kame's white hair is pulled back in the familiar small ponytail at the back of his head – Jin thinks it is still the cutest thing ever, and Kame in general is rather unbearably adorable when he is being all domestic like this. Jin lets him do all the cooking, mostly because Kame is better at it but also because he loves watching Kame busy around the kitchen, and imagining him in a little ruffled apron never hurts, either.
Kame has actually indulged him in that particular fantasy a time or two over the years, and Jin has very fond memories of the ensuing sex on tables or countertops or the kitchen floor. He sometimes wonders if he could still get away with that, but Kame is generally very firm these days about where sex is allowed, which is pretty much in bed and nowhere else, after the last time they had sex on the living room floor and Jin hit his head on the coffee table and scared Kame half to death by cutting his head open. It hadn't been that bad really, Jin thought, but it had bled a lot and Kame had called an ambulance and after that there had been rules.
Jin had pouted just a bit, mostly for form's sake because he knew Kame was right and next time it might be Kame that got hurt, and that was completely unacceptable. Besides, it wasn't like it wasn't just as much fun to make a scene out of dragging Kame off to the bedroom whenever he felt it was necessary.
"What are you smiling at?" Kame asks a bit suspiciously as he sets Jin's breakfast down in front of him, and Jin ducks his head to hide it, unable to completely erase the goofy expression from his face, so instead he directs it at the perfect and beautiful omelette that Kame just made for him.
"Nothing," he assures Kame blithely as he begins to eat. "Nothing at all."
After breakfast they usually go for a walk, Kame can't really remember when it started but it has become something they both enjoy. There's something peaceful about just walking and looking at the world as they never used to have time to do, side by side and holding hands as often as not. They take their time, not trying to keep up with or be on time for anything, just wandering and soaking up the relaxation of being able to just be together.
Eventually they end up at the park a few blocks away, late enough in the morning for a few children to be playing there. Jin's face always brightens when he sees them, and Kame always feels the small pang of regret that the one thing Jin will never have that he really wanted is children of his own. Still, it's a bright spot in both their days, as Kame takes a seat on a park bench with a book he carries, all the time in the world now to catch up on those things he always meant to read and never had time for.
Sometimes a classic, sometimes a modern novel, and not infrequently a volume of manga that long ago finished it's run, but Kame has time to read it now. He spends as much time watching Jin as he does reading, though, because Jin playing with the children is not a sight to be missed. Pushing them on swings, catching them coming down the slide, calling encouragement to some childish competition or other – he knows them all by name, and seems as delighted with their company as they are with his.
They tell him their secrets, their small troubles that seem as big as the world when you are five years old, and Jin listens gravely, his white head cocked attentively, laugh ringing out now and then but always taking them as seriously as if he were one of them, and they love him for it. Kame closes his book and hugs it to his chest with a pensive smile, watching and wondering, sometimes, about all the things Jin has given up for him, and if they aren't just as important to Jin as Kame's career was to him.
No regrets, though, not at this point, not when Jin finally says goodbye to the kids for the day and comes back to Kame with a smile as open and carefree as it had been when he was seventeen, wide and delighted with the sheer joy of life, and Kame knows that whatever mistakes they made, in the end it was right, the choice to stay together and stick it out through the hard times, knows that Jin will never stop being the one thing he loves above all others.
Jin comes over to help Kame up, not that he needs the help but he lets Jin baby him, patiently amused by the way Jin is so careful with him these days, as if he might break, such a contrast to the careless Jin of their younger days – and yet he likes it, likes the feeling that he is the most important thing in Jin's world too.
"Did you have fun?" he asks rhetorically, as he always does, just to see the beaming grin split Jin's face, smiling automatically himself in response because it's impossible not to. "Ready to go?"
Jin hums an affirmative as he leans in for a kiss, unable to resist as ever, and Kame grants it wholeheartedly, selfishly glad that Jin always comes back to him, always needs him just as much.
"Let's go home," Jin agrees contentedly as he tucks Kame's arm in his, and they leave the park behind, heading home for the nap they are both in need of now and no longer care enough to feel any shame about. They have so much time now, time to lay in bed and be lazy if they want to, curled up together and making out in a slow, leisurely fashion or just lying together, warm and comfort and held, peace and safety as they drift in and out of a doze.
Kame loves those quiet times, when he can rest his head on Jin's chest and listen to his heartbeat, slow and steady, rhythmic assurance that Jin is right here, right with him, loving him with every soft thud-thud beat of his heart. It's been a long, hard road, he thinks sometimes, remembers, the years fraught with tension and anguish and uncertainty, but now. Now it's settled, certain, comfortable and easy and forever, for always sure.
They'll have today, and tomorrow, and the next day just like this, always together and enough time to enjoy it, enough space to stop and look and love and breathe and feel not just hope but completion, justification, satisfaction and perfect, absolute contentment.
It's never going to be perfect, but it's always going to be just right. And they will never again have to snatch and squeeze time and moments in between work and life and outside commitments, never have to worry about who might see or what they might think.
It doesn't matter anymore, and instead of snatched seconds, minutes, a day or two or a week behind and between they have time now.
All the time in the world, just to be together.
flamesword Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Summary: After 70 years together things are quieter and life is slower now, and they don't move as easily or hear as well as they used to, but their bond is stronger than ever, and they've all the time in the world now, just to be together. First posted here on the Akame comment fic meme, WIP still unfinished.
Some people age more gracefully than others, of course. Then there's the ones that never seem to age at all, no matter how many years they have.
Jin's hair is white, now, and the smile wrinkles on his face are creased deep; he smiles a lot, and it's left it's mark, but Kame still thinks he's beautiful. His bones ache and he moves stiffly now, but still with a kind of grace that Kame just watches in adoration. In lust, even, because no matter how old he gets Jin is never going to not be sexy, not to Kame.
Sometimes he still thinks that Jin is still five years old, in some ways will always be five years old, but it's as adorable as it's ever been, and it makes him good with the children, the nieces and nephews, mostly Kame's but theirs, really. They call him Uncle Jin, and nobody questions it.
The world has changed a lot in the last fifty years, and the change Kame is most grateful for is that it's not weird anymore, it's not something frowned upon or something they have to hide that Jin is his boyfriend, actually his husband, (it's still hard to remember that this is a fact and not just wishful thinking, even if it's been thirty years), and not just a friend.
Jin has never been just a friend, but Kame hasn't always been sure what he is, either. They've had their ups and downs, like any other couple, but they are still together and Kame still thinks Jin is the most beautiful person ever created. Sometimes he is still the most stupid, too, but even that is adorable and Kame has never minded doing the thinking for both of them.
He's never going to get tired of waking up next to him, either, of opening his eyes and the first thing he sees is Jin, buried headfirst in the pillows and burrowed as close to Kame as he can get, as always. Kame has felt smothered by it at times, weighed down by knowing that Jin more often than not just doesn't sleep when he isn't there, but all in all he wouldn't give it up for the world.
After all, he already gave the world up for Jin.
The first thing Kame does every morning is smile, because usually it's Jin's hair tickling his nose that woke him up. It's still soft and a bit fluffy, even if it's white. Jin used to dye it when it first started turning grey, and Kame had laughed at him but secretly liked the fact that Jin still wanted to look good for him, still cared what he looked like.
Eventually it went completely white, and Jin decided that was cool enough to leave it, but he still wore it in the style of a younger generation. It tends to fly away and go everywhere in his sleep, and inevitably sooner or later it wakes Kame, brushing and tickling at his nose, and even if he sleepily tries to brush it away without really waking up, it never works because he's pulling Jin closer at the same time.
Kame sleeps lightly now, anyway, partly because somewhere along the way he got used to waking often in the night to check on Jin. Jin gets cold when he sleeps, and it's worse now that they're older; if Kame doesn't make sure he's well covered, Jin will keep trying to burrow into his warmth until he pushes Kame right off the bed.
They're old enough now that a fall like that wouldn't be a joke. Kame could actually break something. They're in better shape physically than most people their age, mainly because they always kept themselves fit and active as much as possible, but still - they aren't young anymore.
It's a fair trade off, Kame thinks, for having years and years piled up, memory upon memory of being together, loving each other, fighting occasionally (sometimes even seriously) but always working it out, and it's the working it out that's the best sometimes, the sense of victory and completion that goes with knowing yes, they can make it through this too, and that, and pretty much anything as long as they have each other.
They belong together, in some certain way, whether it's kizuna or fate or just destiny, Kame's always known it and now he has more than seventy years of proof. It's not perfect, but it's them, and it's all he's ever wanted.
They have small fights all the time, less now that they're older and they just don't have the energy for it anymore - at least, Kame doesn't, though he sometimes wonders if Jin will ever run out of his seemingly limitless supply.
Perhaps it is just that many of the small things don't matter as much anymore, with so many years of being together smoothing away the differences and making them seem small and insignificant.
Kame still sighs at the way Jin still leaves his clothes wherever he dropped them when he took them off, and Jin still grumbles when Kame insists on picking up after him and putting things away when he was just going to use them again, but it's a long time of back and forth between them, and they've worked out a rhythm to it, like so many other things.
They've only had a few really serious fights, and at least twice it was because Kame was working too much again, and not only did Jin never see him, but when he did, Kame was always too tired for anything like fun or sex or even just being good company.
Jin waited him out at first, thinking oh, he's got a new drama or movie or whatever, it will get better once things slow down - but they didn't slow down, because Kame seemed to keep taking things on as fast as he could finish them, doing more and more until all he was doing was working, and by the time Jin decided enough was enough, Kame couldn't figure out why it had taken him so long to say something, and both of them ended up hurt and sulking for days.
Jin knew that Kame was happiest when he was working, and he didn't want to be selfish about it, but he didn't think it was unreasonable either to expect Kame to have some time for him once in awhile. Eventually they compromised; Kame agreed to start working less, only doing one project at time, and Jin looked for ways he could be there while Kame was working, if not actually on the same project.
For awhile it was good, and things were better again. But gradually Kame got busier and busier again, and Jin would find himself on his own more often than not, and he thought here we go again.
It happened several times over the next ten to twelve years, a cycle that took several years to repeat but nevertheless always ended up at exactly the same point, and the biggest fight they ever had became a screaming match in which Jin insisted that Kame had to quit, because he was not putting up with it anymore, and Kame absolutely refused because he loved it, he was good at it, and he wouldn't know what the hell to do with himself if he wasn't working at all.
Jin understood that, he did, but he was a lot closer to forty than he liked at this point, and it was just too long and he was too old to keep on pretending that he was okay with the way things were going, being alone almost all the time when he was supposedly in a relationship.
"I don't know!" he yelled back. "We'll find something else for you to do, but something that's not work, Kame, because I'm done. Either it goes, or I do, because right now Kazuya, there's no reason for me to stay. You wouldn't even notice if I wasn't here!"
This was of course not entirely true, but Jin had always been fond of being dramatic, and there was a lot more truth to it than Kame liked to admit. It just scared him to death, the idea of quitting, of giving up everything completely, because he'd been in the entertainment industry in one way or another for twenty odd years, and he didn't have anything else.
He was only thirty five, but that was still too old for starting over in a whole new career, and the only other thing he'd ever really wanted to do was play baseball. No matter how good he might have been once, which was debatable, there was no way he could go back to it at this point and make a real success of it. Not the way he'd once dreamed.
But he looked at Jin, really looked at him, and Jin was serious this time, looked tired and lonely and hurt, and Kame could tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he hadn't been sleeping. He hadn't ever meant for things to get this bad, hadn't realised how unhappy Jin was, how much it was hurting him to have Kame ignore him in favor of another project, another drama, another concert, always more work because he didn't seem to know how to say no.
"I don't know what to do," he said finally, feeling lost. "I don't know who I'd be, Jin." But he didn't know who he'd be without Jin, either, and that was just as scary. He'd never thought it would come down to this, that he'd have to decide if he loved Jin more than he loved what he did.
When it came down to it, though, when he put it like that it was just that simple, because Jin was wrong. Even at his busiest, Kame was always grateful he was there, always looked forward to coming home even if he knew Jin would already be asleep, looked forward just to crawling in beside him and curling up against his warmth to finally get a few hours of sleep. Loved the way Jin would always turn toward him, wrap an arm around him and burrow in against his side, even in his sleep, making contented snuffling noises and relaxing as he never quite did when Kame wasn't there.
He would miss that, miss everything because underneath it all Jin was really the most important thing in his life, a constant steady warmth at his back that he could always count on, and he hated the sudden realisation that he hadn't been returning the favor, that Jin had felt left in the cold and didn't think Kame would even miss him.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do."
"We'll figure it out," Jin told him earnestly, a small spark of hope lighting in his eyes at Kame's hesitation, the hesitation that told him he was finally getting through, that Kame was at least considering it. "Come here," he said, but he was the one who moved, coming over to wrap Kame in a tight hug and kiss him insistently.
"We'll find out, Kazuya. It doesn't matter if you don't know who you are, we'll just have to find out. Together, okay? I don't want to do things without you anymore. We'll do something together, we'll figure it out. It doesn't matter, right? Because it'll be us."
Kame laughed, a small choked sound buried in Jin's shoulder, and cuffed him on the head for being stupid, because no way was it that simple, but he held on tight, soaking in the warmth and reminding himself that this was what he really wanted, more than anything. It didn't make it easy, but it did make it worth it, and he swallowed hard and nodded finally, not looking up.
"Okay," he said softly. "Okay. I'll quit."
The entertainment world was rocked a few days later when Kamenashi Kazuya held a press conference to announce that he would be retiring as soon as he completed all his current projects.
Kame didn't explain, he just looked over to the side where Jin was smiling at him, looking happier and more relaxed than he had in years, and he smiled back.
Yeah, it was going to be worth it.
When Kame wakes up in the mornings he smiles, nose twitching, and buries his face in Jin's hair for just a few heartbeats, scenting and breathing before he rolls over and extricates himself from Jin's clinging grip with the ease of long practice. Well. Perhaps not ease, but he is proficient at the particular twistshimmywriggle and tug required to pull himself free without waking Jin up immediately. It's less of a shimmy now and more of a stiff rocking, but it still works ninety percent of the time.
Once free he rolls over and sits up slowly, turning back to place a kiss on Jin's frowning temple – his lover is already missing his cuddle toy, even in his sleep, and Kame chuckles under his breath, soft and dry as he evades the creeping hand reaching for the empty spot he left behind.
He heads for the kitchen to make coffee, as strong as he can stand it, and pours two cups – one plain with lots of cream, and to the other he adds enough sugar to make him gag. It's a habit now, but every now and then it still makes him smile and shake his head, remembering what that much sugar used to do to Jin. It still leaves him wired, but he's too old to go bouncing off the walls the way he once did.
Kame carries the coffee into the bedroom, setting the sweetened cup on the table beside the bed and standing for a few minutes with his own, sipping slowly and watching Jin sleep. This Jin-watching time is built into his morning routine, a certain number of minutes he allows himself for just watching, implemented after he'd found himself running behind one too many times because of it.
He no longer needs to follow such a strict schedule, most days, but like many other things it is a habit he is fond of, and to be honest after so long he doesn't quite know how to not regulate his time severely down to the last minute, how to simply let the day flow without a constant awareness of where he has to be or do and when and how long he will have to spend doing it.
After ten minutes (a luxury he can afford now, extended from two to five when he retired, and finally to ten when it occurred to him that he could) he reaches down to stroke Jin's hair, rubbing the back of his neck and waking him up, or at least starting him on the way to waking up – the smell of hot coffee nearby will do the rest, and Kame goes in to take his shower.
His hearing isn't sharp enough anymore to actually hear Jin cursing behind him when he finally wakes up enough to realise where Kame is going, but he knows the sound of it by heart anyway, and it makes him smile as he imagines it. Jin hates it when he showers by himself, though these days it is more of a safety issue and less of whatever it used to be – Kame doesn't even know, some twisted kind of jealousy? But Jin has always hated it, even back when the risk of Kame falling and hurting himself wasn't actually a danger.
"Kaaame!" The loud, aggrieved complaint comes right on schedule, bellowed in his general direction as Jin drags himself out of bed, much more slowly than he used to and limping with morning stiffness as he follows Kame into the bathroom, banging the door like he has done pretty much every morning that Kame can remember. "You little shit," Jin accuses him without heat, like he does every day and Kame just tilts his face up, closing his eyes and smiling into the spray as Jin comes over and awkwardly slides in behind him.
"Wake me up next time," Jin orders him as he slips his arms around Kame's waist and hugs him possessively from behind, although they both know Kame won't because the schedule doesn't go that way, and he rather likes this little routine the way it is. After fifty odd years together there are only so many ways he can get on Jin's nerves anymore, and the fact that this particular morning ritual irritates the hell out of him amuses Kame probably more than it should.
"You're still too thin," Jin tells him he helps Kame wash – Kame used to try to return the favor, but gave up after he realised that it clashed with Jin's I'm taking care of you streak, and tended to put him in a bad mood. This particular quirk amuses Kame a great deal and in fact used to puzzle him a lot when it began showing up with more regularity around his fifty or sixty something birthday, because Jin is not normally one to turn down a chance at getting pampered in return. He'd eventually realised that it was Jin's possessiveness at work again, coupled with an interesting protectiveness that hasn't always been there, but which is apparently thwarted by Kame turning it around on him.
He doesn't bother anymore, just smiles and enjoys it, getting his own back in other ways. "You're still too fat," he retorts, though this is even less true than it used to be.
"Am not," Jin answers automatically, and though it's slightly absentminded Kame can still hear the pout in his voice, and it's as adorable as it's always been. He turns in Jin's arms and reaches up to kiss him, warm and affectionate, and Jin is distracted enough to forget that he knows he's being distracted. Twenty, even fifteen years ago this would have led to shower sex, but these days they can't really afford it – it is too slippery and the risk of falling is just too great.
Rather, Kame finally reluctantly lets go when things are getting a bit too intense, knowing that it falls to him to maintain common sense in this kind of situtation, and he firmly pushes Jin away and climbs out, reaching for a towel and smiling a little as he listens to Jin complain and sulk behind him, shutting off the water and pouting as he also gets out, not bothering with a towel but pushing Kame up against the sink for another heated, hungry kiss.
Sometimes Kame wonders if they will ever get enough of each other – when they were young and desperate he used to think that maybe their passion would burn itself out in a few years, and it is true that they've had some times where they barely see each other and don't have sex for weeks at a time; Kame knows that has usually been his own fault, but somehow they always found it again, stronger than before.
And then one day he woke up and realised they weren't young anymore, and yet Jin was still the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, and Kame wanted him just as badly, and that has never changed, even if Jin's careless grace is slower now, more deliberate, and his hair is white instead of black or brown or red, and he has little smile wrinkles all over his face. Kame still thinks he's beautiful, still burns for him and is always grateful that Jin seems to want him just as much, even now.
Today he laughs softly and pushes Jin away after a long, satisfying kiss, adjusting the towel that Jin had almost made slip from around his waist and heading out the door.
"Be good and you'll get some later~" he teases, because one thing that has never changed about Kame is that he loves teasing Jin, seeing him worked up and frustrated and wanting. He hears Jin sigh and mutter something explosive behind him, and he doesn't quite catch the words but he doesn't need to, anymore. The scene is too familiar, and Jin's lines in it have never changed much more than his own.
He gets dressed as quickly as he can manage in simple, comfortable clothing, trying to beat the time before Jin comes back into the room and tries to persuade him that later is now. Jin moans and complains about his teasing, but for all of that he's never quite realised just how weak Kame can be when Jin will push the issue. His determination can only withstand so much, after all.
Once dressed he makes his way down to the kitchen in stocking feet – he used to go barefoot, but his circulation isn't as good as it used to be and his feet get too cold these days. He hums to himself, in a good mood as he goes about making some omelettes, taking special care to make Jin's just the way he likes it, though Kame knows that Jin is no pickier about food than he ever was, and still will eat basically whatever is put in front of him.
He hears Jin's soft feet sneaking up behind him when he is almost done, more because the floor creaks than because the footsteps are loud enough for his hearing to pick up, but he pretends not to notice until Jin's arms snake around his waist to hug him from behind, and soft kisses wander up the side of his neck to end in tender nibbles at his ear.
"Idiot," he scolds, tilting his head away, trying not to shiver too much and give himself away. "I'm not breakfast. If you wait just a minute, I'll be done here and then you can have actual food."
Jin hums and lets him go, but he is smirking as he moves over to the cabinet to take out some plates and cups, setting them on the table in preparation. "I'd rather have you," he notes, his voice as low and smoky and suggestive as ever, and sometimes Kame kind of hates him for still being able to do that when his own voice has gotten too thin and scratchy to be seductive anymore, even when he's trying. Not that Jin ever seems to mind, but it bothers him occasionally. He'd never guess that Jin rather enjoys the gravelly rasp he has now.
"Later," Kame insists, rather primly, and he doesn't notice the way Jin is watching him with his chin in his hand, a rather silly smile on his face because Kame's white hair is pulled back in the familiar small ponytail at the back of his head – Jin thinks it is still the cutest thing ever, and Kame in general is rather unbearably adorable when he is being all domestic like this. Jin lets him do all the cooking, mostly because Kame is better at it but also because he loves watching Kame busy around the kitchen, and imagining him in a little ruffled apron never hurts, either.
Kame has actually indulged him in that particular fantasy a time or two over the years, and Jin has very fond memories of the ensuing sex on tables or countertops or the kitchen floor. He sometimes wonders if he could still get away with that, but Kame is generally very firm these days about where sex is allowed, which is pretty much in bed and nowhere else, after the last time they had sex on the living room floor and Jin hit his head on the coffee table and scared Kame half to death by cutting his head open. It hadn't been that bad really, Jin thought, but it had bled a lot and Kame had called an ambulance and after that there had been rules.
Jin had pouted just a bit, mostly for form's sake because he knew Kame was right and next time it might be Kame that got hurt, and that was completely unacceptable. Besides, it wasn't like it wasn't just as much fun to make a scene out of dragging Kame off to the bedroom whenever he felt it was necessary.
"What are you smiling at?" Kame asks a bit suspiciously as he sets Jin's breakfast down in front of him, and Jin ducks his head to hide it, unable to completely erase the goofy expression from his face, so instead he directs it at the perfect and beautiful omelette that Kame just made for him.
"Nothing," he assures Kame blithely as he begins to eat. "Nothing at all."
After breakfast they usually go for a walk, Kame can't really remember when it started but it has become something they both enjoy. There's something peaceful about just walking and looking at the world as they never used to have time to do, side by side and holding hands as often as not. They take their time, not trying to keep up with or be on time for anything, just wandering and soaking up the relaxation of being able to just be together.
Eventually they end up at the park a few blocks away, late enough in the morning for a few children to be playing there. Jin's face always brightens when he sees them, and Kame always feels the small pang of regret that the one thing Jin will never have that he really wanted is children of his own. Still, it's a bright spot in both their days, as Kame takes a seat on a park bench with a book he carries, all the time in the world now to catch up on those things he always meant to read and never had time for.
Sometimes a classic, sometimes a modern novel, and not infrequently a volume of manga that long ago finished it's run, but Kame has time to read it now. He spends as much time watching Jin as he does reading, though, because Jin playing with the children is not a sight to be missed. Pushing them on swings, catching them coming down the slide, calling encouragement to some childish competition or other – he knows them all by name, and seems as delighted with their company as they are with his.
They tell him their secrets, their small troubles that seem as big as the world when you are five years old, and Jin listens gravely, his white head cocked attentively, laugh ringing out now and then but always taking them as seriously as if he were one of them, and they love him for it. Kame closes his book and hugs it to his chest with a pensive smile, watching and wondering, sometimes, about all the things Jin has given up for him, and if they aren't just as important to Jin as Kame's career was to him.
No regrets, though, not at this point, not when Jin finally says goodbye to the kids for the day and comes back to Kame with a smile as open and carefree as it had been when he was seventeen, wide and delighted with the sheer joy of life, and Kame knows that whatever mistakes they made, in the end it was right, the choice to stay together and stick it out through the hard times, knows that Jin will never stop being the one thing he loves above all others.
Jin comes over to help Kame up, not that he needs the help but he lets Jin baby him, patiently amused by the way Jin is so careful with him these days, as if he might break, such a contrast to the careless Jin of their younger days – and yet he likes it, likes the feeling that he is the most important thing in Jin's world too.
"Did you have fun?" he asks rhetorically, as he always does, just to see the beaming grin split Jin's face, smiling automatically himself in response because it's impossible not to. "Ready to go?"
Jin hums an affirmative as he leans in for a kiss, unable to resist as ever, and Kame grants it wholeheartedly, selfishly glad that Jin always comes back to him, always needs him just as much.
"Let's go home," Jin agrees contentedly as he tucks Kame's arm in his, and they leave the park behind, heading home for the nap they are both in need of now and no longer care enough to feel any shame about. They have so much time now, time to lay in bed and be lazy if they want to, curled up together and making out in a slow, leisurely fashion or just lying together, warm and comfort and held, peace and safety as they drift in and out of a doze.
Kame loves those quiet times, when he can rest his head on Jin's chest and listen to his heartbeat, slow and steady, rhythmic assurance that Jin is right here, right with him, loving him with every soft thud-thud beat of his heart. It's been a long, hard road, he thinks sometimes, remembers, the years fraught with tension and anguish and uncertainty, but now. Now it's settled, certain, comfortable and easy and forever, for always sure.
They'll have today, and tomorrow, and the next day just like this, always together and enough time to enjoy it, enough space to stop and look and love and breathe and feel not just hope but completion, justification, satisfaction and perfect, absolute contentment.
It's never going to be perfect, but it's always going to be just right. And they will never again have to snatch and squeeze time and moments in between work and life and outside commitments, never have to worry about who might see or what they might think.
It doesn't matter anymore, and instead of snatched seconds, minutes, a day or two or a week behind and between they have time now.
All the time in the world, just to be together.
